Scars From My Mother - Female Edition

Ever wondered what it's like for an adult woman who still struggles with past trauma and, or a lack of love from her mother? Or is that 'YOU'? Or are you that 'MOTHER'? A mother-daughter relationship is often portrayed as a sacred bond, a source of love, support, and understanding. However, for some women, this relationship is far from nurturing. Maternal neglect, characterized by emotional unavailability, indifference, "indoda over my children" or even abuse, can have lasting effects on a woman's life. I hope you gain something from this short piece on the impact of maternal neglect on a girl child and exploring ways for coping and healing for grown women still battling with past scars from their mothers.

You've lived your whole life with the pain your mother caused you, but today I want to tell you that forgiveness can help you heal. Heal even after your mother has passed on without mending your broken heart. Forgive your mother for the love, care, and presence she never gave you, and accept that you might never get that love or an apology from her. Remember, with awareness, support, and self-care, you can cope with the pain and start to heal. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking help, setting boundaries, and being kind to yourself, you can break free from the hurt and build a life filled with love, connection, and happiness.

The Impact of Maternal Neglect:

1. Emotional Wounds: Growing up without a supportive and loving mother figure can leave deep emotional scars. A girl child who experienced maternal neglect may struggle with feelings of abandonment, inadequacy, health issues and low self-worth. She may find it challenging to form trusting relationships and express her emotions authentically.

2. Identity Confusion: A mother's love and guidance play a significant role in shaping a young girl's sense of self. When this support is lacking, she may grapple with identity issues, unsure of who she is and where she belongs. She may seek validation and approval from others, constantly searching for a sense of belonging and at times she might seek approval from wrong places.

3. Trust Issues: Maternal neglect can erode trust in both oneself and others. Girls who have been neglected by their mothers may find it difficult to trust their own instincts and abilities. They may also struggle to trust others, fearing that they will be let down or abandoned once again.

4. Intergenerational Patterns: Maternal neglect can perpetuate intergenerational cycles of dysfunction. Girls who were neglected by their mothers may unknowingly repeat the same patterns with their own children, perpetuating a cycle of emotional neglect and trauma.

Dealing with Maternal Neglect:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's essential to acknowledge and validate your feelings about your relationship with your mother. Allow yourself to feel anger, sadness, or resentment without judgment. Recognize that your feelings are valid and deserving of attention.

2. Seek Support: Coping with the effects of maternal neglect can be challenging on your own. Reach out to trusted friends, close family members, or a therapist for support. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can provide validation and perspective.

3. Set Boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries is crucial for protecting your emotional well-being. This may involve limiting contact with your mother if necessary or clearly communicating your needs and expectations in your relationship. Setting boundaries when you live with your mother can be more challenging but it is still very important for maintaining your emotional and mental well-being until you are financially in a good place to move.

4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the complexities of healing from maternal neglect. Practice self-care and self-compassion, treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in need. With the little that you have, spoil your-self, go on solo dates or find new hobbies etc.

5. Seek Professional Help: If you're struggling to cope with the effects of a bad relationship with your mother, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, develop coping strategies, and work towards healing.

6. Break the Cycle: Take proactive steps to break the cycle of trauma in your own life and relationships. Be mindful of the way you interact with others, especially your own children if you have them, and strive to provide the love and support that you may not have received yourself.

If you are a mother, cover those scars with tattoos of your favourite flowers and give your child/children all the love and care you never received. If you don't have children yet, I hope your relationship with your mother doesn't stop you from becoming a parent. I am not a parent yet, but I hear that motherhood is a beautiful journey, despite the ups and downs. Accept, heal, forgive, find your happiness, and share more love. 

Side Note: Sometimes we try to fix our relationships with our mothers, but they might not listen, talk about, or admit what they've done. It's okay, you've done your part, and that's what counts. When you're ready, tell her how she hurt you and affected your childhood, relationships, your health, and your adult life. Don't bottle your pain forever, release it in your own time and way. Just remember, it's okay to love your mother from a distance; your well-being is important. xoxo Vee.

If you found this insightful, read Scars From My Mother - Male Edition.